| i'm fucking frustrated |
[12 Nov 2009|03:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 aggravated |
] |
and that's pretty much it. sometimes i really wish i went to school for zoology. i like animals better than i like people. or management like for music or something. this shit is really getting to me, i need to climb a mountain, i need to travel, or to hike. i need to get the fuck out of here, i loathe ct. loathe it.
and this school.
my children (if i ever have any) will not go to westconn.
these classes feel like a crock of shit sometimes.
no really, pointless.
i really want something to come up for which i can be positive about.
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Look to the sky
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| i feel like |
[08 Nov 2009|04:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 calm |
] |
no one write's in these anymore. ha it's bc of twitter. twitter=lame and creepy.
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Look to the sky
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| it was... |
[15 Oct 2009|02:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
someday you will be loved- death cab for cutie |
] |
one of the hardest things i've had to do.
but i did it.
it's not that i hate him that's not the case at all
it's not that i don't want to be friends, i wish it was that easy
it's that i like him too much.
and i need to move on man...
it seemed like forever since i've cared
about my own happiness that sounds selfish
but there's a time for everything.
and i don't want to bother you anymore.
<3lovelovelove
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Look to the sky
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| i really |
[11 Oct 2009|07:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
am glad that i'm in this show mere mortals, i'm actually having fun- i remember why i liked doing this in the first place and erik tonner is my favorite director, it almost makes me sad i'm a senior ha. everyone has been working together and helping each other and it's been awesome. i am going to admit that some people are irritating me lately which is why i only hand around 2 people. i wish everybody could just be down to earth and not gossip like high schoolers. but it's westconn and people are stupid. so... what the fuck ever. i'm over it and i'm almost free of it. stef, lauren and juliann are my sanity- and are awesome.
what to do next? whatever i want :-)
i miss some people ha
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Look to the sky
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| useless energy |
[20 Sep 2009|11:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
you are a misty figure in my mind, a solid shape that has faded over time growing distant. the hours, days, weeks, years gone by- a blur. it's hard to understand you when i don't know what language you speak. It's hard to guess a path to choose, when you're perpetually confused by only words and silence. might i stay forever distant, maybe try to live once more with this. this is silly, this is degenerating, this is not about a fight that was never had. what is it. it is what it is. but i enjoy optimism, it could be better than this. better than it ever had been or hoped to be. questions. me. the memorable touch, the comfortable silence, the wonder of sex... keeps me hooked- makes me keep turning in bed at night after the lonliness and lack of physical contact (SEX!) kicks in. i don't know why i keep it that way. few things keep me on- but it doesnt keep me off of wondering about this.
this shit running through my head at night. with all this useless energy i am listless. i would like to touch you... in places... i would like to feel your collar bones above me, to nibble on the curvature of your neck... while you touch anything or everything, being left to your own imagination. the connection was lost- now the feeling, the feening of any form of this it has it's hold over me. you could have your hold over me... if you want it. there is a need to please, there is a debt to be paid, and i like being on time. maybe there's a she, that's there now making you unwilling to try. please be blunt. i will... have sex with you. i want to be close to your body, the your breathing, to your warmth with all my useless energy.
now? come here please
i'm letting out my frustrations. ;-)
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Look to the sky
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| i'm feeling creative |
[16 Sep 2009|09:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ambitious |
] |
i'm feeling creative again. and there's alot of hope for my own projects this semester. with there only being the musical they have started into effect doing 2 shows a semester plus the directing one acts which alot of us will be directing. this other play is a series of comedies light and fun directed by the talented professor tonner. an awesome person, excited for that cast list. although this experience will be awesome and despite the circumstances i feel it is a great thing to be a part of the split in the dept which they have finally started to recognize between serious straight actors and singers. i am glad we are having an impact in the department. despite this, siobhan and myself are going to try to put into effect a seperate company of actors, one for straight plays. we are going to try for the first time in the dept. to do a production outside of the normal venue and outside of the dept while still being on campus. we are going to attempt to put into effect dr. faustus, a play i have wanted to do since i read it. i want to start directing more so i can start building up a directors portion of my portfolio for grad school. hopefully this will be the first step towards this goal. we want to make the actors also the techies. challenges are that there is no light systme only a chandelier we would have to bring in some sort of light even if it's just a spot. we would also have to work out scheduleing with both shows. and find actors comfortable enough with the material. it is a pretty huge task BUT, i feel like it is definately something worth pursueing for our own learning experience. i am excited.
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Look to the sky
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[18 Aug 2009|08:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
so this scotland trip is frustrating.
i want to go off on my own but i'm afraid to get lost and we're supposed to be in a buddy system but no one is down to earth, and no one's looking for adventure or wanting to meet new people at all. they are too above that. pretentious is a good word to use. everyone's fighting over stupid petty shit. and i gt yelled at all the time. i was contemplating today having a meeting with sal about wanting to buy a ticket back early. but that's not fair to the people who are not being asholes i just don't think being upset, frustrated and stressed on a trip i worked very hard to pay for is worht it.
scotland, however is a beautiful place.
although i've been feeling quite confrontational lately.
i wish i was here with my friends.
i feel like it would actually be a fucking fantastic time!
maybe some time in the future then.
i miss everyone from home.
and i've been thinking about some things lately...
people i miss... etc.
this makes me realize how much i like down to earth people, my friends
and how much i really enjoyed california!
i saw a clockwork orange done as a play today, and it was awesome
the kid playing alex was amazing. only a few people like it- basically bc those few people were the only ones who understood it and the political aspects of it bc they're seen it or read it...
ahh i miss my friends/family! <3
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1 shooting star ¬ Look to the sky
|
|
[06 Aug 2009|03:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
artistic |
] |
7 days in counting 'til scotland.
can't wait for that pre-plane panic attack.
but i really am excited about edinburgh castle.
woo
i'm going to get a fish for 4 year old cousin
who got stung in the head by a wasp today :-(
her forhead looked like a baseball was growing
out of it it was so swollen
i love her.
on a different note
why do people always assume i hate them?
i hate no one i'm just frustrated with your attitude
and your alcohol problem that you won't admit you have.
another different note
i miss certain people and certain times
and would really like to get to know you all over again...
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Look to the sky
|
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[28 Jul 2009|11:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
contemplative |
] |
the thing is, sad but true
i don't care so much anymore
sometimes i feel like an animal
giving into my urges left and right
it's more amusing this way.
i have no real agenda anymore
other to live my life and breathe in air
i think it's even more amusing when
people think it's all about them
i just am
i am... free as the wind.
i come and go
and that's just how it is
but sometimes i do get curious
and sometimes i do question myself...
what if... i had stayed?
what if it actually worked out?
i know i never stick around long enough to find out
but neither do they.
neither do you.
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Look to the sky
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| ah |
[20 Jul 2009|05:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
i feel like a moron ha
and i gots such a sunbuuurn
control yourself, take only what you need from it
countdown to scotland
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Look to the sky
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| hm |
[04 Jul 2009|01:36am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blank |
] |
i am enjoying the state i'm in right now,
i'm enjoying the feeling
why isn't there anyone online?!
ha
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Look to the sky
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| i really wish... |
[18 Jun 2009|06:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drained |
] |
you would not move into that loft w/ him.
but you probably will. :-(
bummer bc i miss you
alot
|
Look to the sky
|
| yes! |
[01 Jun 2009|09:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
aggravated |
] |
i am completely irritated by you
you ditched me and made me wait for you for five hours?
WHILE I WAS DRUNK! why wouldn't i be mad at you?
and you act like i'm silly for being mad at you.
if you don't want to hang out don't call me to hang out!
do not say you love me- when you apprently don't even know how to
be friends with me. i feel like i'm the only one putting any effort into being friends
then you say we will hang out the next day... i call you like you want me too
where are you? on a train back to ct. why wouldn't that upset me?
last summer feels like the biggest mistake
fun then, but now i feel more depressed than ever.
and i don't want to talk to anyone.
and all you do is let me down-so not worth it.
the thing that really make me feel silly is that i really believed you were different.
|
Look to the sky
|
| NYC |
[23 May 2009|01:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
show is this week, i'm exciiiited.
<3
|
Look to the sky
|
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white_elephant5's journal
apathetic